Sweet and Low
by OutsiderRushheart
Summary: For Ms. LaurenNicole's story contest; Katie is killed in a car accident, and Kendall loses the capabliltiy to talk over anything but a whisper. One-shot; Kendall/Jo undertons, Kogan in between and at the end.


**This is for Ms. LaurenNicole's contest =)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR.**

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><p>"<em>Hold me down...sweet and low, little girl...hold me down...sweet and low, I'll carry you home..." ~Sweet and Low<em>- Augustus

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><p>There was a moment when all seemed to move slowly and time almost froze. Sounds seemed more distance and the colors seemed strained. Then everything paused. For just a split second; everything paused. But you realize what's happening.<p>

And it's not good.

Your heart; at the moment, is the only thing moving. It is beating at a rapid pace and you struggle to break free.

You are too late...for the world is fast again. Sounds grow intense and the colors slam into you. There is a blinding light; then darkness. Pure darkness. You are not dreaming and you are barley thinking.

So you let yourself be drowned.

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><p>"Kendall; guys he's waking up!"<p>

Kendall wearily blinks his eyes open. He recognizes that it was Carlos who spoke. When Kendall tries to sit up, he finds it near impossible. Pain keeps him down. _Pain from what? _He wants to know.

"Wh-where am I?" Kendall croaks. _Hey? What's up with my voice? _

"You're in a hospital; the doctor says you shouldn't talk," Logan explains quietly. Kendall notices the brunette has this look on his face. It's a mix between grief, terror, and worry. Not only that, but Logan looks as if he hasn't gotten sleep in days; the light washed completely out of his eyes. Then he realizes that James and Carlos look that way too.

"Here..." James reaches behind him and grabs a white board and marker from their resting place on the chair. "The doctor left it for you to write on."

'Why am I here?' Kendall wrote.

Logan swallowed hard and bites his bottom lip. "You, your mom, and Katie got into a car accident," he coughs out as if it'll kill him to say it.

Kendall wrights frantically, 'Where are they!'

"Your mom's in the next room," Carlos mutters.

'And Katie?'

No one speaks. The room is deathly silent. Kendall knows he can't speak right now, so he coughs and taps the board with his marker. He looked up at his friends, and realizes in horror, that Carlos is crying. James has to look away, and Logan can't remove his gaze from the floor. Kendall can't stand it. "Where is she!" He demands through a strained, painful voice.

Carlos sobs harder. James nods at Logan and leads Carlos out. "Katie..." Logan breaths out shakily. "Is dead."

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><p>Crashing. Your whole world suddenly comes crashing down around you. Everything you've ever known fades into nothing. The one you love; gone forever.<p>

You think you can still hear her voice. It is pure and innocent but still holds that same mischief you never could get enough of.

Your world was once bright.

Now it is clouded with darkness. You feel the cold in sweep in, and the rain fall so fast your skin stings.

Then the rain gets harsher at the realization that you could have done something. You could have protected her. You weren't fast enough.

And now.

She is gone.

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><p>Kendall and Mrs. Knight return to the Palmwoods in a week. Mrs. Knight broken her left arm.<p>

Kendall, his right leg...and...he could never sing again. His voice beyond damaged. Whenever he spoke; Kendall would have to whisper. If he were to ever scream or speak normally; he'd loose his voice all together.

It wasn't like it mattered to him anymore.

His. Little. Sister. Was. Dead.

"Hey, buddy," Logan says softly as he enters their shared room. "How are you doing?" He asks, setting a glass of orange juice on the blonde's bedside table.

"Not well..." Kendall whispers, closing his eyes.

Logan sits on the edge of Kendall's bed. "Are you ever getting out of bed?" The taller boy shakes his head in response.

"I hate seeing you like this."

Kendall just shrugs. "I hate _being _like this," he croaked, then forces himself to ask, "When's the funeral..."

"Two days from now."

Kendall feels tears slide down his cheeks. "I-I can't believe Katie's actually gone..."

"It'll be okay," Logan promised. "Things _will _get better." When the blonde didn't stop crying, they embraced in a hug.

"How do you know?" Kendall muttered against Logan.

"Because I've been through something like this before...my older sister...Janie."

"I didn't know you had an older sister," Kendall says, pulling away to face him.

"She...she was in college...died there too; I never really liked to talk about her..." Logan sighed.

"I...wouldn't I have seen her if she was to visit? What about when she wasn't in college?"

"Remember? My parents are divorced...they demanded strict restraining orders..." Logan shook his head. "Janie ended up with my father."

_Oh, right..._Kendall thinks. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." Logan reaches into his pocket when his cell phone vibrates. "Um, is it okay if I head down to the pool; you can come if you want."

"That's okay, I'll stay here," the blonde decided.

"I won't be gone long," the shorter boy promised as got up to leave.

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><p>The funeral was terrible on all levels. Everyone at the Palmwoods came; Gustavo and Kelly even showed up. Kendall was bitterly convinced though, that they only came to talk with him, James, Carlos, and Logan about how BTR would end up. Kendall knew Big Time Rush would probably become a trio, because what band can make use of a guy who can't even sing?<p>

"Kendall?" Jett Stenson walks over once the funeral is over and everyone is talking together quietly.

"Yes?" He says, meeting Jett's gaze. Kendall is surprised that he's here; Jett hated him; wouldn't he hate Katie too?

"I'm really sorry about your sister."

Kendall's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah, and...And about you not being able to sing anymore."

"I won't be in Big Time Rush anymore," Kendall sniffed.

Jett put his head on one side. "Couldn't you just play an instrument or something?"

_I could..._Kendall shook the idea away. "I don't think that's what Griffin would want."

"It's too bad..." Jett admitted in a surprisingly sympathetic voice. "I'll see ya around, Knight."

James, Carlos, and Logan came up to Kendall once Jett had gone. "You're mom's ready to go if you are," Carlos says.

Kendall nodded but could not make himself move, so Logan wrapped a welcoming arm around his friend's shoulder, and leads him out. James and Carlos follow behind; they share a concerned glance.

"Are you okay to drive?" James asks, sliding into the passenger seat of the car.

"I'll be fine, thank you James," Mrs. Knight answers.

Logan's arm pulls Kendall closer when he notices the fear gleam in Kendall's green eyes. He hates the car now. It's what killed his sister. Kendall finds it both touching and strange how Logan seems to have taken over as leader so sudden. Not that he's complaining, it's just another change to add to Kendall's never-ending list.

So far, Kendall's list is: (All the many things that brought him to LA), Dead sister, loss of voice use forever, not being in BTR anymore, Jett being nice?, and Logan becoming leader. Wow.

Logan rubs Kendall's arm when the taller boy begins to cry again. "You're gonna be okay," Carlos assures.

_No, I won't be. I never will be; not without Katie. _Kendall thinks hopelessly.

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><p>Being the new leader of Big Time Rush, Logan dropped his dreams of becoming of a doctor. All that mattered to him was to keep Kendall's flames burning. So, yes; they were all staying in LA. Logan would always make as much time as possible for Kendall. Of course it was the same for James and Carlos.<p>

Logan enters 2J after band rehearsal one day and finds Kendall asleep on the orange couch. "Hi, Kendall," he whispers softly; reaching over and gently shaking him.

"What Logie?" Kendall rasps, wearily opening his eyes.

"A new family moved in, in the apartment across from us; come and say hello."

"Do I have to?"  
>"Yes, you can't keep yourself locked up in the apartment all day," Logan points out.<p>

"Fine; but don't expect me to stay for long," Kendall muttered.

"Great!" Logan exclaimed, practically dragging his friend up and to the door. It was strange; although it was only about two weeks before hand, Logan seemed to change far more than even Kendall. He wasn't that same nerdy, shy Logan everyone knew him to be. There still was a trace of old Logan though... "Now, would you please at least try to act a bit decent for our new neighbors." And that would be it.

Kendall shrugged. "Sure..."

"Good." Logan knocked on the apartment door. A woman in her early forties opens the door. ""Hi, I'm Logan," the brunette greeted.

"Hello, Logan, I'm Geneva Parker; I just moved in with my husband and daughter." She glances over to Kendall. "Who's this?"

"Kendall," Logan answered for him.

Geneva smiles. "Great to meet both of you; you wanna come in?"

"Can we?"

"Of course."

"C'mon, Kendall," Logan said, pulling his friend so he'd follow.

Kendall asks, "How old is your daughter?"

"Sorry, what?" Geneva closes the door. "Can you repeat that?"

Kendall hated it when people asked that. "Ur, he asked how old your daughter was," Logan quickly spoke.

"Oh, right! Sorry, I didn't even remember to tell her your name," Geneva apologized. "Her name's Kaylie and she's 5-years old; Kaylie! Please come and meet our new neighbors!"

A moment or two pass before a little girl with short, light brown hair clumsily waddles out of her room. "Mommy, who are they?"

"Kendall and Logan," Geneva explains to her. "Say, 'hello.'"

"Hi," Kaylie squeaks, looking up wide-eyed at the two boys.

Logan smiled and coos, "Hey, Kaylie!" He turns to Kendall. "Isn't she adorable?"

Kendall closes his eyes and everything flashes before him. He can't stand being here. He just can't stand it. "I'm...I'm going back to 2J," Kendall croaked.

"Is he okay?" Geneva asks when Kendall is gone.

"Yeah...I-I'd better go too, sorry I couldn't stay longer," Logan apologized.

Geneva shook her head, "No, that's fine; I'm sure I'll se you around."

"Bye, Logan," Kaylie squeals as he leaves.

Logan wave's goodbye and returns to his apartment. "What was that about?" He demanded.

Kendall shrugs. He didn't want to admit to Logan that the little girl reminded him of Katie, and quite frankly; brought on a certain bad memory. "It's not important," he lied.

"Sure it is."

"Really..."

Logan grabs Kendall firmly by the shoulders. "You know you can tell me anything...right?"

"Logan, seriously; I'm fine," Kendall insists.

"_Kendall."_

"What, _Logan_?"

The brunette rolls his eyes. "I'll be at Rocque Records if you need me...Hey, did you tell Jo about...you know..."

_Shit, I forgot! _"I'll go do that," Kendall stated. Logan nodded, and hesitantly leaves Kendall alone again. He walked over to the kitchen counter and takes his cell phone. Kendall scrolled through the speed-dial.

He waits for someone to pick up.

"Oh my god, Kendall I'm so sorry!" Jo blurts out on the other end. "Camille told me a day ago, I was going to call you but-"

"It's okay," Kendall stopped her. "I should've called first."

"Do you want me to come back?"

Kendall thought about it for a moment. "No...That's okay," he finally decided. "I'll be fine until you can visit."

"Kendall-"

"I don't want you leaving that set; okay?"

Jo says in a frustrated voice, "But I-fine..." the other line is quiet, until... "I love you."

"I-I..." Kendall stuttered, suddenly finding it hard to speak.

"Nevermind, I have to go," Jo sighs, sounding hurt.

"Jo, wait…" but she's already hung up. Kendall mentally slaps himself. _How could you have said nothing? _He scolded himself. _Your girlfriend just told you she loves you, and all you can do is say 'I.' C'mon, Knight; you love her back right? Ugh, maybe your just too sad about Katie to say 'I love you' to another girl. _

"Yeah, that's probably it," Kendall says out loud. But something else...something else its telling him there's more to it.

He just doesn't know what.

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><p>Another week passes, and things are still not right for Kendall. His mother is doing her best to stay strong for her son's sake, but every once and a while she breaks down too. Kendall breaks down more than his mother; often in tears or out of complete frustration. James, Carlos, and Logan were always there to help. Kendall notices that it's mostly Logan.<p>

Every once and a while, Kendall would get these flashes of the car crash, and those were always the worst. Logan only found one way to soothe Kendall of that, and that was to take him onto the roof of the Palmwoods. Up there, they watched the clouds, or the sunset and sunrise. Sometimes the blonde still can't believe its Logan Mitchell because his friend has been so fearless lately.

"What made you change?" Kendall questions Logan one afternoon on the roof.

Logan gives Kendall a puzzled glance, and then his eyes spark with understanding. "Janie...I'm doing it for Janie...you too of course, but Janie would be so proud if she saw me now..." he trails off. "How'd your talk with Jo go?" Logan inquires, quickly changing the subject.

"She told me she loved me."

Logan's eyes widen and he sits up. "Did you tell her you loved her back?"

"No."

"What? Why?"

"I just..." Kendall coughs to clear his throat. "I can't say I love you to another girl at the moment," he whispered softly.

Logan looks at him thoughtfully, before scooting closer to Kendall. "That's why you ran out on Geneva and Kaylie, isn't it? Kaylie reminded you of Katie?"

"Yup," Kendall mutters, biting back a sob. _I swear to god, I'm gonna run out of tears one day, _He thought pitifully.

"No one's forcing you to get to know them."

Kendall muttered something that Logan couldn't make out. "Did I tell you the good news yet?" Logan asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"Guess not."

"What good news?" Kendall says.

Logan exclaims, "Big Time Rush is going on tour, and we're starting at Six Flags Los Angeles!"

"That's great, Logie," Kendall tries to sound excited.

"Annnnd, I went to talk to Griffin and apparently he wants a new guitar player in the band."

It takes a moment for Kendall to realize... "Me?" He squeaks in a somewhat awkward voice. Logan only smiles in response. Kendall demanded, still not quite believing him, "What did you do?"

"What? What would I have done?"

"Use the footage of Griffin from the black-mail reality show."

Logan stares at him indignantly. "I'd never do that!"

"Um, I think you're lying."

"Aw, I'd never lie to you!"

"Nope, you're lying right now."

"You don't have any proof!"

Kendall shrugged. "I don't need proof, I can tell from your face."

"My face?" Logan shook his head. "No way, I don't have a 'lying' face."

"Uh, I think you do."

The shorter boy smiles. "Nah..." Then, Kendall tackled Logan; pinning the brunette down.

"Tell me what you did to Griffin," He ordered in a quiet-yet still dominating voice.

"Why would you want to know?" Logan mumbled, squirming under the weight.

"So you admit you did something!"

"Okay, okay! I might have stolen the keys to his beach house!"

Kendall gasped, pretending to be angry, "Logan, you shouldn't have done that..."

"I'm glad I did," Logan huffed. "He might not have agreed if I didn't." Kendall laughed softly, and slowly backed off of Logan.

It was then when he saw it.

There was something in Logan's eyes that Kendall noticed before up until now; but it had always been there whenever the brunette looked at him.

Logan's dark brown eyes glowed with admiration, warmth, and...And love.

"So will you do it?" Logan's voice snaps Kendall back into reality.

The taller boy locks gazes with Logan for a split second, and searches for the love again. Just like he thought, it's there. "Hell yeah," Kendall says brightly.

"Let's go tell James and Carlos!" Logan exclaimed, grabbing Kendall's arm and pulling him to his feet.

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><p>It was the day their tour began. The day they preformed at Six Flags. And the day that would pull another change into Kendall Knight's life.<p>

BTR was warming up in a blue tent that took up the whole back of the stage. Kendall always wanted to know where they found tents that big. "It's great you're back in Big Time Rush," Carlos chirped.

"It'll be different though," Kendall admitted. "It's not like I'm singing."

Logan watches him for a half a minute before announcing, "I'm getting out of here to enjoy the park; anyone wanna come with?" Without waiting for someone to say anything, he says, "Kendall, how about you?"

Kendall knows he won't have a choice. "Okay," he agreed quietly.

The two boys put on their, 'LA' baseball caps, and throw on sunglasses before sneaking out. "What do you want to do first?" Logan asks, looking around.

_Maybe ask him about that way he looks at you..._Kendall thought. "I was kinda hoping-"

He's cut off when a women bumps into him. It's Geneva. She shakes her head to clear it. "I'm sorry! I just, I'm looking for my daughter-"

"Geneva? It's us, Kendall and Logan," Logan interrupts; removing his sunglasses. Kendall does the same.

"Oh, thank god!" She gasps. "Can you please help me? Kaylie has gone missing!"

Kendall swallows hard. "What happened?"

"Me, and my husband Ryan were standing in line with her to get some lunch; then when we looked, she was gone," Geneva explains breathlessly. "We split up to find her."

"Of course we'll help!" Logan turns to Kendall. "Kendall, call James and Carlos for backup."

He does. "They'll help look; Gustavo and Kelly too."

Geneva blinks. "Thank you so much," She sighs gratefully.

"Don't mention it," Logan assured. "Now let's go find Kaylie!"

Geneva nodded in agreement, then turns and hurries off while calling Kaylie's name.

"Logan, I can't help," Kendall realizes.

"Yes you can!" Logan spat in a voice that startles Kendall.

"No...She's just too much like Katie, I can't!" Kendall cried, veering around and running off.

Kendall ignores that fact that Logan is following him. He ignores his own name being called. _Hey, now two people will be missing; Kaylie Parker and Kendall Knight. _Kendall kept running until he put enough distance between himself and Logan. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Kendall walked on; not quite sure what to do now.

"Look!" A voice shouts from behind him.

"What's that?" Another gasped out.

Whatever it is, Kendall doesn't feel like turning around to see.

"It's a little girl, why is she just lying there?" The first voice cried.

"I'm sure she's asleep, but where are her parents?" A third voice wonders.

Kendall froze. He closed his eyes tightly, and then opened them again. _Kaylie. _He's not sure what made him do it, but Kendall shouldered his way through the crowd that formed to reach her. "Kaylie?" He whispered, kneeling down beside her.

Kaylie blinked her eyes open, and released a small yawn. Her eyes went wide with sudden terror. "Kendy? Where am I?" She whimpered.

"It doesn't matter," Kendall said, touched that she could at least remember something close to his name. "I'll take you back to your mommy."

Kendall carried Kaylie all the way back to the tent; it was the only place he could think she'd be.

And there Geneva was. Along with the rest of the search party. "Kaylie!" Geneva ran over and Kendall handed Kaylie off. A man who must have been Ryan, the father; stepped out of the tent.

"Kaylie, where have you been," he demanded.

"Napping..." Kaylie whimpered.

"You shouldn't nap in strange places, more or less wander off," Geneva scolded gently.

Logan got up and approached Kendall as the family rejoiced. "I shouldn't have forced you to look."

"I didn't," Kendall admitted. "She just happened to be lying there and..."

"Katie would have been proud."

"Yeah," Kendall nodded in agreement. "She would."

Geneva walked over to Kendall again. "She wanted to see you again," Geneva said, giving Kaylie to Kendall once more. "I can't thank you enough for bringing her back to me."

"No thanks needed," Kendall assured. Logan was at his side, watching Kaylie with bright eyes. He looked over to Kendall with that same admiration and warmth.

And of course...

"I'll be back in the tent with the others," Logan told him, turning back around.

Kendall knew Logan loved him, but had accepted the fact that he was with Jo. It had never quite occurred to Kendall; but he found himself wondering if _that _was the reason why it had become so hard to tell Jo he loved her back. She still wouldn't be back for 3-years, and Kendall had no idea what he'd tell her when she came back, but...

"Logan," Kendall smiled at Geneva and gave Kaylie back waving goodbye. "Logan, wait; there's something I wanted to talk to you about..."

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><p><strong>I really hate how I kinda rushed the ending; but I do hope it's good enough to win! <strong>


End file.
